Unlike some other substances, Viagra is rarely associated with violent crime, unless it has to do with some Russian-mafia counterfeiting ring. Which is why when Viagra-related offenses turn up on local crime reports, they're often quaint.For example, in Brooklyn, a thief pried his way into a CVS drugstore. It's a pretty good bet that the suspect is male because he made off with "a lifetime supply of Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra". We have to give him credit for having some foresight and thinking beyond the momentary pleasures of coital bliss: his haul also included a large quantity of cigarettes and anti-hangover pills.
When it comes to Viagra, most users are pretty discreet about the subject and would prefer not to broadcast their use publicly. But once in a while you run into guys who just won't shut up about it:
In Westlake, Ohio, a man treated at a local hospital returned over the next three days to harass staff, claiming that his Viagra had been stolen. C'mon fella, these people work in a hospital - it's full of pills. Why would they steal your Viagra? Wouldn't it be easier to just flag down a doctor and ask for a prescription?
Meanwhile, in Middletown, Conn., police officers responding to a brawl outside a bar found a guy with a profusely bleeding broken nose - who insisted that his schnozz wasn't the problem. While resisting medical attention, he loudly declared several times that his penis was broken and that he needed Viagra to make it work. "He kept repeating that statement, the arrest report says, and told everyone around him to 'go [expletive] themselves.' " Well, I guess if his equipment was as broken as he claimed, he wouldn't have been in any position to [expletive] anyone himself. We need to hook him up with the guy that jacked the pharmacy; dude's gonna be needing some of those hangover tablets.
